Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
