Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
