My balls are so social today.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
