she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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