Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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