we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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