I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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