Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
