her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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