last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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