so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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