every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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