btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Randomize
