$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
