I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
The air was thick with penises
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize
