LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
