I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
As shirtless as possible
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
