will power is for people who don't want to get laid
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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