I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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