My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
