Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
porn star boner night. come get it.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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