After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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