I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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