Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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