Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
