I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
