dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
