I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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