her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
