omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
