Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
