So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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