if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
