so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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