actually, I'm a sock model
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
