So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
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