oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
