Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
