I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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