Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
