I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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