Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
