I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
