life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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