Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
