Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
The adults are the big ones right?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
