Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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