Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
