I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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