what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
